I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
