She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize