I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
