dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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