Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
