how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
