dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
