I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
