another moral hangover. fuck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is wine microwaveable?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
