they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
