i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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