you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
