So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
