i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
