Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
