I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
