my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I lost the right to judge tonight
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize