Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
