You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Randomize