addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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