Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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