Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize