I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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