Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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