Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
