How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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