I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
