i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I AM VODKA MAN
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
