your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize