People in love make me want to vomit
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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