I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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