Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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