i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize