Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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