she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
