i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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