You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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