I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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