is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
