You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
