i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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