I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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