why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
