Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
