I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I enjoy the company of your penis
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