Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
