so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize