forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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