Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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