If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
