The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
