I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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