Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Barsexuality is the new black.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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