I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
