Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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