The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
