I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
