Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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