I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
