...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
