Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Come see our sink grown plant.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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